candycoatedbubbles

Black Heart Inertia - Incubus

2009-06-22T19:15:00.000-07:00

aaaaaaaaah, i soooo love this band...despite the skinny look Brandon Boyd is still effin HOT!

tsssss.

You're a mountain
that i'd like to climb
Not to conquer
but to share in the view

im gonna buy that Monuments and Melodies as soon as i have moolah!
too bad i missed their concert...oh well,i got work....haha,maybe next time - ugh, i hope there is.

erpat's day...

2009-06-21T12:27:00.000-07:00

Well,i really dont have any intention to blog about my father..then i cant help it, so before i do (which i promise myself na it'll be short lang) let me greet all the father's out there.... Happy Father's Day!

We went to divisoria last Saturday (shopping galore), we bought a shirt for him as a gift. But few days before this day....they had a HUGE fight again...coz mama's saying he got a mistress, erpat is denying it (or he could be saying the truth - idk)...and in return Papa is accusing Mama.
Accusing her that she was the one who send that message to the girl ("mistress").

Ang weird kasi eh (SMS)
Mistress : your wife texted me
erpat : what's the message?
Mistress : it doesnt matter, i'll show it to you nalang, if we see each other again...

after a long discussion between me, mama and papu...my father asked her again to forward the message.

"You're Irene from Genpact right? ur my hubby's kabit...umamin na sakin asawa ko"

--- and i was like...Pap, whoever the texter is didnt mention any names...we dont knw if that a-hole is referring to you or mama, she could be talking about someone else...might be a wrong send too, so how come Irene is saying that its mama...its like she admitted na kabit mo siya.
am i right or am i correct? so her message alone made my mama think na they really have this thingy..

after like 2 or 3 days, they're talking to each other again, still cold but then maybe they realized they need to communicate. So we had our lunch sa Max's ,my treat..and all the time my father is nakasimangot. I really didnt like it,but fine! i allowed him to be that way and just enjoy the foods. He is so weird.

ahh f*ck!i dont wanna talk about it anymore, they're old na.

My mama's only wish is that whatever my father is doing to her will not happen to me or my sister, well JP [my sister's bf] is a nice guy naman...and yeah im pretty scared that it'll happen to me.
so help me, Lord

change topic:
well, yeah im still addicted to Farm Town in facebook, just started playing Yoville too, its like SIMS daw.

Black Heart Inertia is the new single of Incubus, haaaaay, Brandon Boyd is still yummy! hihi.

If i heard it right, Mike's got a new gf...its weird coz it made me sad. I was like,thought im over him na...

sisLoraine is right...guess i am better off without him.
its a good thing Mr.Summer is always around, somehow i feel complete...
speaking of which, im talking to him now.hahaha.

somewhat waiting for someone...but i think he's not gonna come.

enihoos, im like on a strict diet.im letting go of toooo much salty foods & oily stuff. Forcing myself to eat veggies and prolly start jogging or working out again. hehe, not eating a lot of rice too. Not because i wanted to loose some weight but because i wanted to live a healthy life. And besides, Mr.Summer is telling me im not fat naman - so haha!

but then after those moments na he's been quiet i kinda felt something different.its hard to explain, but i know its not something about falling inlove with him. err, i'll figure it out sooner or later, im just gonna enjoy his presence

its a girl thing

2009-06-17T08:09:00.000-07:00

you know when your trying to move on from someone, you're like telling yourself na you can do this without the guy's help. right?
most especially if you and that guy really doesnt have "something" , you just feel like letting go and moving on not because you feel like he doesnt love you back but because there are so many factors that you consider and its enough to just...let go.

so that's what i've been doing, im trying to ( like ) stay away from Mr.Summer, and been telling myself that i can do it even if we're seeing each other everyday, and doing a lot of things together.

it was all cool, i thought i was doing ok with it and ( like ) telling myself na, im getting there without him noticing that im staying away...and like being aloof to him and all that.

but when he started being quiet
that's when it hits me...

i was like, "this should be fine, it'll help me to move on...it'll be a whole lot easier for me to let go of my feelings for him..."

and the other side of me is like "im missing him, i miss the way things used to be...i miss the way he does this and that...missing everything"

i cant help but be sad about it.
which reminds me of the movie He's Just Not That Into You, can totally relate to it.
Guess girls really have this moments where in they're like blindly optimistic, we're like telling ourselves a lot of positive stuffs, nothing but good thoughts about relationships...when it all boils down to one thing,
he is just not that into you.

im only praying for one thing regarding this whole issue "help me to love him as a friend...as a friend only, if this is what our fate offers us...help me to accept it, but in the case that he feels the same way...help me make things right"

12.13 (a growing tumor)

2009-06-10T11:44:00.001-07:00

what the heck is going on?
my 3 days off is almost over and all i ever did (aside from playing games in facebook)
is think about you.
i miss you.
and i dont know if its the kind of "missing someone" because you love them or you just miss them for no apparent reason....you know u just miss them...
im glad that during those moments that im getting bored (waiting for someone in that friggin game to hire me so i could earn more coins) you were there.

wonder what kind of spell you cast upon me to make me feel this way.

huh.i guess i wanted to love you but im scared.
scared of so many things, so as much as i wanted to tell you that...i dont know how.

the distance between us is the number 1 reason, you know i suck at long distance relationship - yep, BIG TIME!
there are times when im thinking of meeting you, but then i thought...i dont wanna put too much effort on seeing the one i like (or love) and not get anything, i guess i told you this before..."what if i see you and then fall inlove with you even more?" - what if you're not brave enough to catch me?
--the case of unrequited love
Having the lamest reason to love someone - i dont want that to happen again. Just to let you know, you taught me how to let go when im not getting what i deserve. Now, looking at the situation you're in...idk if you can cope up with everything. As you have said, you dont even have time for yourself anymore -- but,i dont know...this may sound like im underestimating your capability to love a woman despite the busy life that you have...
But (again) i was just thinking, what if our situation is like that? What if im giving in soooo much and then somewhere along the line...you cant satisfy me...definitely i would let go. I've been there twice.

And then what? if i'd let go...i'll try to forget everything that we shared. Isnt that sad?

Not unless, you give me reasonable WIIFMs (what's-in-it-for-me?) to stay....or probably you can use a very powerful charm so i wont let go. Haha,maybe that'll work.

Second of all, what if you see me and dislikes me. I've seen your ExGfs and i have to say some of them are really pretty, geeeez...i am like sooooo nothing compared to them. I got flaws too, maybe u've seen those in some women or maybe not, i dont know. But what if you wouldnt like me in person? I might as well, stay in this situation where there is the tiniest hope that you like me.

damn, you really are a tumor in my head.
the only problem that i dont wanna try to solve.

trust me i wanted to love you,i know i could.
but..if i could love you without expecting MORE , that'll be much better.
(sounds like a martyr)

and honestly im having a hard time doing that.
just like everyone else, probably just like you.

its hard to give unconditional love...
i guess no matter how much i wanted to do that, it scares me to death.

and here's the thing, i got a lot of blog entries that revealed ALL my feelings for you and you never said anything about it. I may have blog about some other guys, but its sooo much different when i talk about you.I dont know if you can see the difference.

Maybe you are just like me, you're JUST fine knowing that someone out there loves you..but afraid to take a risk. I mean, somewhat it makes you happy that im going gaga over you...but...pretending you dont care or something...i dont know...

hey,what am i saying? I dont even know if you like me,i have no idea if you're thinking of me too.

YES i am talking about you, the only guy i know that's born on the same day as i do (only in a different year). This is all about my feelings for you, i thought it died months ago but you revived it.

What do you suggest me to do?
you want me to forget about it - i will if you'll tell me to do so, but i cant do it right away.
you want me to take care of it like the way i take care of my farm - fine with me too.

Farm Town

2009-06-08T09:54:00.000-07:00

got another game in Facebook that im addicted to.
Before, im only addicted to playing Mafia Wars then someone invited me in fashion wars...few days after i joined a friend's clan in Vampire wars, got a dog and turtle too which i dont usually check everyday.

Now, im checking on my Farm like everyday....funny coz its just a friggin game but when i had 3 or 4 wasted grapes field the other day,i felt so saaad. i didnt know that i can harvest it in like 4 hours, i should've come back to it so i could sell it and earn more coins... ahaha.

I've been thinking like where im gonna put the barn, the fences...how many rows for my rice field, tomatoes & potatoes...i got waterlillies from Vhraine (Vhonne & Lorraine), they gave me a pig and dog too...yay! ang cute nung baboy.

Hmm.
im off for 3 days,but then it'll be a busy off again...as in sleeping, plurking, blogging and yeah playing games in facebook...and i must see the last 2 episodes of Gossip Girl.buhaha.
Dont have moolah anymore to go out and pig-out.
And bad news, the Casa Medica in SM southmall got a patient positive for Swine Flu, geeeez! scary, cant go to SM anymore, they're quarantined daw eh. Good thing there's still Town Center and Ruins.haha.

I got good & sad news though.
Was able to talk to sis Dredd again, i miss her...she's really one of the sweetest friend in the whole wide world :)
Havent talk to her for like weeks, ayun nga lang sad news. But i know she's a strong woman, sisiw lang daw un sabi niya.Haha.

Kahit na maulan ngaun, Mr.Summer is still friggin hot. LOL.
ok, time to go back to my farm now.

xOxO

And i've been bloghopping for quite some time now, i noticed a lot of blogs talking about the famous scandal of Hayden Kho, i decided not to make any comment about it before, coz its already the talk of the town...we talk about it at work, here at home...there's this incident one time i was walking somewhere i dont remember na where, but its a public place, there's this group of people talking about the scandal, making comments about it, i got sick of hearing so much about it, i saw the 3 videos...and just like everybody else, though the girls pretty much enjoyed doing it, i feel sorry for them. Both of them seemed to be so inlove with this guy...those intimate moments should always be kept PRIVATE!
and to the girl(s) who said negative stuff about the 2 girls you might wanna think again. Imagine yourself in their shoes, they might be at fault too but its really not necessary to make so much negative comments about it.

Here comes the rainy season, i am so loving the cold weather...

have a question

2009-06-02T12:39:00.000-07:00

do you love me?

According to the stars Cancers and Sagittarians are better off as friends...they dont do well as lovers -- i should keep this in my head all the time.
sagittarius + sagittarius is a good match daw [naniwala naman daw ako]

i miss him.

Breathe (lyrics)

2009-05-31T16:26:00.001-07:00

I see your face in my mind as I drive away
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me, oh

I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

sober

2009-05-25T17:40:00.000-07:00

omg it really feels like my brain isexploding...well para naman hindi masama ang pagsabog, let me release some tension. At isa pa my horoscope for today, ayan sumakto na naman.

Last night at the party,while watching everybody else enjoying their bottles of san mig light and red horse , im thinking of the things i wanna blog about, I was thinking of creating a category or making up different type of party goers, prolly someone did that already [i wouldnt know].My brain is kinda bored [though my physical body is really really tired], i wasnt drinking during the 1st 2 or 3 hours maybe, if i remember it right it was past 10 PM when i had my 1st bottle of san mig light [ang corny, yeah i know]. I was hanging out with a new group Rica, her friend Kat, Warli [which is really my team mate] ,Jut, Kuya Ghen,Melvin, DK and later on with Boss Greg and Boss Gines.Haha they did something funny - and yeah it was great hanging out with them...somehow i feel like i went out of my coffin and enjoying new breed of vampires.LOL. pasensya na, talagang may amats pa ako, got icebag in my head...while blogging.

Nakakatuwa naman makita yung mga taong yun pag lasing. Haha!

I wasnt able to finish my 2nd bottle though,when i went to the rest room, randam ko na ang tama ng alak, i thought we're leaving na din, since Chicheese and the other guys are talking na. So we left Manong's after 2 hrs pa ata.
Went to Cheese's crib with people i never thought will join us, if June was having a bad night coz of hahaha NVM, so was i...but i was able to manage naman, i cooled down after drinking what seems like a bottomless iced tea for me, but it was really a mixed of grand matador and something else i guess. Kuya Mark knows how to mix alcoholic drinks, it was nice. All good men!

Tapos may shisha pa, ok i really dont know how to spell that friggin thingy, but if u guys are familiar with it, you are free to correct me..i guess its so much better than smoking cigars, well i never tried smoking cigarettes naman.

Geeeez, i dont think i'd be able to blurt out the things that i didnt like that night, I guess my horoscope for the day can give u guys a hint, so here it is.

You appear to be having fun today, but a bad feeling is gnawing at you from the inside. You are worried about something that's been on your mind and yet you are so cool that no one even notices that you are hurting. Although you may feel pretty clever about fooling others so easily, you are also disappointed in them because they cannot see past your charade. Forget about blaming anyone; just try to get beyond your resistance so you can be more vulnerable with those you trust.

Buti nalang talaga yung isang crush ko sumunod, YAY! napansin din niya ako(ulet). But the thing or should i say the guy that's been bothering me [as always] ayun...masaya siya, haha.
Oh well, boys will always be boys.

Something 'bout the way you looked at me
Made me think for a moment,
That maybe we were meant to be
Living our lives seperately
And it's strange that things change
But not me wanting you so desperately
Oh why can't I ignore it?
I keep giving it in but I should know better
'Cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me
And it's strange that things change
But not me wanting you so desperately
You looked my way and said "you frustrate me"
Like you're thinking of lines and times
When you and I were you and me
We took our chance out on the street
Then I missed my chance
And chances are it won't be coming back to me

- desperately ; Michelle Branch

I see your face in my mind as I drive away
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
- Breath Taylot Swift w/ Colbie Caillat

And about the previous entry...well i wasnt really that mad mad, u know what i mean? I just didnt like the stuff they talked about, sana kasi nagtatanong muna yung isa (si yakir). And i didnt mean the miserable thing as something serious and bad, i have forgiven Vincent naman, after all hindi lang naman siya ang nagkamali,I didnt say naman (ata) na siya ang may gusto ng balikan, it was Yakir who wanted reconciliation...pero wag na talaga, cant even say if i can be friends with him. Ayoko lang talaga kapag feeling ko pinapamukha sa akin kung paano ako naging tanga or paano ako nagkamali, alam ko naman pag nagkakamali ako, no need na ulit-uliting i-IN YOUR FACE sa akin.

Let's all move on nalang.

Ayos lang aminado ako, maldita't salbahe talaga ako.

Tantanan Na...

2009-05-23T18:50:00.000-07:00

Nabadtrip lang talaga ako pagkagising ko kahapon, i got 3 messages.
1 message from Vincent - sinong damuho naman ang nagbigay ng number ko sa kanya???
2 chika messages from yakir/alvin/master_rocker

I knew it, Yakir gave my no. to him.
So i went online and check my YM messages and boom! ayun na tuluyang nasira ang hapon ko. I dont want to hear anything about Vincent, i havent spoken to him ever since we broke up. Im not being bitter or rude, well kinda rude nga siguro but i'd rather stay this way to him. MOVE ON!

As much as possible ayoko ng i-elaborate yung mga bagay na magpapasama lang talaga ng loob ko.
Oo masaya na ako sa buhay ko ngaun kahit walang BF, at oo kung ipagpipilitan nila na magkaayos kami talagang makakagulo lang siya. Sabihin na ninyong ang sama ng ugali ko pero eto na yung totoo. Walang balikan na mangyayare. WALA TALAGA!

And kabayang Yakir, tsk akala ko pa naman madami ka ng alam tungkol sa akin, pero mali talaga yung mga sinabi mo Kay Vincent, foul talaga dude! Nung mga panahon na nagkakalabuan kami ni Vicente alam mong ibang tao na ang mahal ko nun, kaya nga OK na sa akin ung hiwalayan eh.
Si Vincent naman ang nagsabi na hiwalay na eh, nampucha ilang beses ba siyang nakipagbreak sakin? Ang laki ko lang tanga nun dahil ilang beses ko siyang iniyakan at nagpumilit na makipagbalikan. Isa't kalahating taon akong nagpakatanga sa kanya. And honestly nagsisisi ako sa lahat ng ginawa ko for him, he is soooooo not worthy of my time, emotions and tears.

If ever i could go back into my life that is the part na hindi ko uulitin.
And ever since na naghiwalay kami at nagkakamustahan tayo, binanggit ko ba na may balak akong makipagbalikan sa kanya? As far as i can remember hindi ko na siya naikekwento, dahil ibang tao ang hinahanap ko. tsk! Kabayan alam mo kung sino yun at dapat hanggang ngayon alam mo na may nararamdaman pa din ako kay Paul at wala kay Vincent.

Mali talaga yung mga sinabi mo kay vicente na tinitreasure ko siya, na nakatatak pa din siya sa puso ko, na pinahahalagahan ko lahat ng pinagsamahan namin. Dahil hindi talaga. Wala na akong pakialam kung sabihin ninyong lahat na ang sama ng ugali ko, pero nampucha ung isa't kalahating taon na yun dun ko narealize kung gaano kahalaga ang BUHAY ko at masasayang lang kung patuloy akong magpapakatanga sa kanya. I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER!

At kelangan ba talagang pagusapan ang jerjer? Putangina yun talaga ang foul eh.
Just to tell u the truth, that's the part i regret the most. I wish it never happened and i wish i waited for the other guy...Pero wala na akong magagawa tapos na, nangyare na lahat...LESSON LEARNED!!!
At may nasesense ka pa na gusto ko pa din siya, where the hell did u get that idea???

Pasensya na kabayang Yakir...i dont think i could ever talk to you again.

At kung sakaling mababasa mo to Vincent, sabihin mo na lahat ng gusto mong sabihin, natanggap ko naman lahat ng mga foul words na sinabi mo sa akin noon, ano pang foul words ang di ko magagawang matanggap mula sa'yo? At isa pa, ikaw naman tong may hilig makipagbreak diba? so panindigan mo na, masaya na ako...tantanan na ako pwede? At kung totoong may pagmamahal ka pa matuto ka nalang din magparaya, huh?

Tama na ang drama!
And Yakir hindi ka nga nangangaelam eh noh, pero gusto mong makipagbalikan ako sa kanya??? Huh!!! no way! Kabayan, alam mo kung gaano naging miserable buhay ko noon, pano mo nasabing naging sobrang saya ko noon eh almost every week umiiyak ako dahil nag-away kami ni Vincent... ikaw ang palagi kong kausap noon,lalo na pag gusto kong makibalita kay Paul.tsk.

Nampucha talaga! Mga leche! Tantanan na!

Eto galing kay Kuya Johnerr: mensahe para sa ex ko "ang pag-ibig ko sa'yo ay parang Lady's Choice Sandwich Spread...isipin mo nalang meron pa" .

Leche sabihin na ninyong ang sama ng ugali ko sa lahat ng sinabi ko ngaun pero eto lang masasabi ko, wala kayong alam sa lahat ng nangyare...

im glad i stayed

2009-05-19T10:22:00.001-07:00

and so did my 2 friends...it was just a weird misunderstanding and it feels like i made things complicated, i apologized to JR prolly a-gazillion times, well he says its not really my fault..i was just giving him the messages that i thought is important...so haha! nuff nuff of the work stuff. i dont want more complicated stuff when everything else is complicated i wanna save ME naman. geez, spare me.haha

i just realized if JR didnt say those stuff, and then i decided to just transfer, i wouldnt have this happy nights with them anymore, i wouldnt be able to hang-out with the "real funny" people.

I just got home from ruins & n-los [prolly an hour ago na and its 12:45 am]. We exchanged thoughts & rants at work, i was like nodding all the time...and my usual comments "i know, its like .... '' or "exactly" [which is actually June's pauso] , haha cuz once they talk about the blah blahs i just have to agree with it, cuz i dont fully understand those stuff [its a different level conversation]. Well not that i dont really understand everything about it, its just that i dont do any of those stuff...im just a typical agent and JR and Cheese are my Bosses / Friends [ cuz they dont want me to call them Boss ] ... and i have no intention of understanding everything about it cuz i dont have plans of being like them. like i said, i dont want more complications...i'll just support them :)

They have my support 101%

So what did we do?
Well me and Chicheese ate in ruins and then we played in Timezone again [YAY!], Medyo sumakit braso ko sa baskteball, and of course my favorite - Car Racing! And then we tried the Zombie thing, darn i forgot what's it called. And then there's this very very cute boy who's watching us, so i gave him the gun and he started shooting the ugly zombies, boy he's not scared of those stuff??? that's uberly cool!!!

And then when time's up, not enough points in my card i told him its over, and he kept on looking at me and the card on my hand...aaawww he's soooo cute! So i told him, "let's go!", JR saw the kid too...telling me its a sign, sign for me to have my own kid...naaaah, not now. Im still enjoying my singleness.

But if Jr wasnt there when that cute boy came, i wouldve reloaded my card so he could play more. Haha, i think he's only 3 yrs old or 4...
And then we went back to ruins, bought 3 movies [uninvited, wrong turn 3 and He's just not that into you] , and then the group decided to look for a place where we can drink and just talk. For like 15 minutes we're driving along BF looking for a nice place, bumagsak kami sa n-los. I love the mojos and cheese but it didnt go well with the drink that they got [ if i remember it right, its called 69 , tastes like apple ] . After eating a lot of mojos and drinking 3 shots of that drink + iced tea, my tummy started acting weird. But not weird enough for me to create a scene.Hahaha. We were there for an hour or so, nung naubos na yung inumin we went home na. Its like a road trip pa, ewan ko ba kung anu nasa isip nun ni JR idinerecho nya yung pagdadrive hanggang sa amin, i told him its malayo na...he could just drop me in BF Pilar with Cheese coz i can take the jeep naman, eh wala...hinatid nalang nila ako, and then he and warli will drive back to BF P'QUE pa.Hahaha.

It feels great hanging out with this cool people. Its a good thing talaga i stayed.

I made a quiz in facebook, nauso na kasi ang How Well Do You Know Me na quiz eh, and guess what?!?
Jr got the highest score with 1 mistake lang, of course he doesnt know what im wearing when im sleeping..haha! Siya na ang nakakakilala sa akin ng todo, my other friends told me its hard daw, well i thought all along its easy... And now he's making his quiz.

Im kinda sleepy but i dont feel like going to bed pa.
How true it is that sir Ridz is leaving RAKISTA.COM? OMG, what's gonna happen sa site, and this blog, omg this is like my brain na din, it has a lot of memories, i dont think i'd be able to transfer everything in blogger.com. Ang sad naman, sana tuloy lang tong blog na to.

I still love this site.
Enihoo im gonna check out the DVDs i bought.

xOxO

PLUG-IN:
Daddy Johnny Bravo's [ John Dayao ] movie "LITSONERO" with Paolo Contis is showing on May 28, 2009 , check out the trailer in youtube, its interesting. Hope you'll support this movie. Thanks!

wala akong tinatago, talagang hindi mo lang alam.PIZ!

prustreyted

2009-05-15T16:47:00.000-07:00

Yes i am, si erpat kasi binubuwiset na naman ako, nageenjoy na ngalang ako kachat si JR tapos andami-daming side comments,nakakaburaot talaga siya minsan. Hmmm, kung hindi lang talaga ako pinalaki ni mama na may respeto sa nakakatanda at kung hindi siya ganun kalakas kayLord sinagot ko na talaga si erpat eh at malamang sinumbatan ko na naman, aba kakabigay ko lang ng limangdaan kagabi panggas, nagbigay din ako ng P150 kanina share ko dun sa parking fee. Tapos ganun pa siya....grrrr,asar talaga!

Ang nakakafrustrate kasi, alam na nga niyang "single" ako, he knows na the last 2 relationships i had werent succesful, 1st cuz im so effin stupid to hold on and the last one im so weird to let go immediately [LOL] tapos lagi pang ung status ko ang hilig niyang pagtuunan ng pansin...

Nakakaburaot talaga!

Hehe, they thought i only had 2 bfs pero 3 na sila.Puppy love lang talaga yung pinaka-una kasi naman 12 yrs old lang ata ako nun. But then the whole time that i was studying i didnt have any BFs, MU lang :) I followed every single rule, bihira gumimik, never nag-cut ng class, madalas after ng klase uwi agad, gawa ng assignment at mag-aral.Nakagraduate ng BSN pero di ko sineryoso ang Board Exam.

Nagkabf na ako nung nagttrabaho na ako, but still sunod pa din sa gusto nila...isang napakawalang kwenta ang relasyon na un, di ko talaga ma-explain sa ngaun kung paano ko nagawang tumagal ng isa't kalahating taon kay Enteng.
Kalahati ng sweldo ko binibigay ko kay Mama,pero minsan nakupit ako [kumukupit sa sarili kong pera] .
Tapos nakilala ko si Mike [na lagi ko pa ring inaalala], ok sila kay Mike kumpara kay Enteng, eh heller mas matino naman talaga siya noh. Pero dahil kumplikado ang utak ni Mike at trip ko lang umiwas sa sakit, hiniwalayan ko after 2 months...ayun namimiss ko na tuloy.

Minsan lang naiisip ko, magbebente quatro na ako,dapat nageenjoy na ako padate-date sa mall or nagrroadtrip kahit san - tulad ng ginawa namin ni Mike, nagmotor lang papuntang Tagaytay para magstarbucks [ehehe, ang sweet at ang cute nun]. Eh hindi ba dapat, may naghahatid na sakin sa trabaho at hindi ko na kailangang sumabay kay Erpat. May nasundo na sakin at kasama ko magbreakfast sa Jollibee or Mcdo or sa Starbucks or kahit saan. May kaholding-hands, kayakap at ayun.

Nakakamiss kasi yung ganung feeling. Yung alam mong may isang tao na nagmamahal sa'yo ng iba sa pagmamahal ng ibang tao.

May nagtetext sa'yo para kumain na, wag masyadong magkapagod...enjoy mo ang araw mo... sweet dreams at kung anu ano pang ka-kesohan [cheesyness!]

Yung bigla nalang tatawag sa'yo para lang sabihin na I LOVE YOU - parang si Mike lang talaga.

Kaya lang wala akong ganyan ngayon.

Buti nalang yung mga ka-team ko napapatawa ako, ayan si JR tuwang - tuwa sa kagalibuhan ko, araw araw nalang wala ng ginawa kundi magkwento ng kung anu-ano tapos pag napapaniwala na niya ako, sasabihin niyang "you're so gullible Joyce!" muhahaha.
Lagi kong katawanan yang laki sa Americang tisoy na yan. Kung hindi ko lang Boss yan, malamang ilang beses ko ng nabatukan yan eh.
Si kuya Mark, na talagang kinarir na ang pagiging Kuya para sakin, si June kakulitan ko din, si Daddy Johnny...na kahit malayo eh ramdam pa din ang presence.

Sakto naman kasi kanina,kachat ko sa peysbuk si JR ng nagtext tong si June, kinukumpirma lang kung kukuha ako ng credit card sa HSBC. so ilang beses na tumunog ang celfone ko at eto na ang sumira ng araw ko...

sabi ni erpat "sino na naman ba yang Kapreng pinagkakaabalahan mo diyan?"
ako: baket na naman?
erpat: babatuktukan kita jan eh!

Aba ewan ko kung biro niya lang yan o talagang nang-aasar siya pero obviously di ako natuwa. Di nalang ako umimik.
1st of all, hindi Kapre si June...katrabaho ko siya at isa siyang tao.
pangalawa si June ay my gi-ep at balak ng magpasakal,hehe
ikatlo - di ako abala sa boys, utak ko lang ang abala kakaisip kay hmmmmm, pero physically busy ako kakalaro ng games sa peysbuk, sa blog and anything online.

Sabi naman nila cute ako,di naman ako salbahe maldita lang...kung di naman ako ok kasama e di sana di ka-close yung mga friends ko. Di din ako selosa,medyo lang. Di din ako maarte, ako pa nga minsan bumili ng yosi ni Mike nun.LOL. nagbukas pa ng beer para sa kanya. hahaha. Ni minsan di ko siya pinigilan na uminom, ang sakin lang sigurado siyang sa bahay nila siya uuwi. Hahaha,madali naman akong kausap eh, basta may time saken...at nagagawang patunayan na mahal ako, ok na yun.

Ang hirap lang dito kay erpat, nagawa niyang mangaliwa nung nasa USA pa siya, kaya nga pagbalik niya may step bro na ako mula sa Pluto. Yun ang unang dahilan kung bakit takot din ako makipagBF,takot akong mangyare saken lahat ng ginawa niya kay Mama.
Tapos kung manglait ng BF ko at ng mga naging BF ni Lalayne akala mo kung sinong gwapo.Pwe!

He thinks that his experiences in life is good enough to set certain rules.Maybe he's thinking that he could save me from all the guys that can hurt me. Well i've learned so much from those 2 guys, no matter what we do...at kahit san naman talaga may mga Guys na tulad niya...mangloloko. Hehehe. There's no way that he can save me from them, if i have to go thru a lot of painful situation then let me be...that's the only way for me to learn and find the right guy.

Buti nalang talaga,nahilig ako sa pagbabasa ng libro ni Paulo Coelho,andami kong natutunan. Sorry Paps i think i know Men better than you do.

Matutulog na ulet ako, wala ng sense pinagsasabi ko.

Makes Sense

2009-05-14T18:10:00.000-07:00

I was a bit surprised when I read my horoscope yesterday, its a good thing i checked on my emails before going to work...

Your bigheartedness can cause trouble today because you could have a difficult time knowing your own limits. It's easy now to be generous because supporting those you love makes you feel wonderful. Unfortunately, you can do more harm than good if you overstep someone's boundaries. It's best to wait until others ask, rather than assuming it's okay to jump in.

Sakto!
i did wait!
...and still waiting, patience is a virtue and im so glad i inherited a lot of patience from my Mama YAY!

i wish i could do this and that unfortunately im not in the position to do so
i learned something from a recent conversation with a "very" good friend - "sometimes its better to stand alone"

standing alone doesnt mean you'll let go

i wish i could have a better way of explaining it, but since im still a bit confused and caught in between

its always best to keep my mouth shut and cross my fingers

and TODAY:

You have a vision of your ideal situation and believe that's exactly the way it will turn out. However, others may be surprised by your current optimism, which may appear over-the-top today. You, on the other hand, see nothing out of line with your thinking, but this doesn't make it any more plausible. Temper your fantasies with the feedback you receive from others, for they can help you gain a clearer picture of what's really in store.

i think this is true

My Tarot Card for the Day: DEATH
This card is commonly misconstrued and does not specifically pertain to physical death. The Death card signifies change in your life brought about by the ending of a current situation and the beginning of a new one. While the card itself may be morbid, it actually represents exciting change in your life. Be prepared for new and exciting situations to develop.

I was indecisive and confused..feeling caught in between.
Its a good thing i talk to JR before making a big decision.
I followed my initial reaction - i'll stay

Last wednesday i had all the intention of moving out, when i told him all my "reasons" he said he understand...but of course he said - in the case that i'll stay he's definitely gonna do everything in his power to fight against my fears [medyo pinalalim ko lang ang mensahe,buhaha...mahirap na].

aaaaaawwwwww.na-touch ako...and of course i trust him, why shouldnt I?

anyways, i know i said im gonna go against the current, kaya lang masyado talagang malaki yung mga alon, di ko kaya....im scared...

Medyo dumudugo na ilong ko sa mga blog ko, halos lahat kasi ingles eh, pasenya naman...
Callgirl kasi eh, alam na ninyo ibig sabihin niyan - nagtatrabaho sa gabi kausap ay mga poreyner :)
Hindi bale,prepaid lang din naman ingles ko unti-unti na siyang nauubos kasi inaantok na ako, mamayang gabi na ulet ako hahataw sa inglesan.

Napansin na naman erpat ang pimple ko sa noo, malapit na daw ako maging rhino.LOL
Sa tuwing nagkekwento ako tungkol sa trabaho ko, natatawa nalang silang dalawa sakin ni Mudra.
Hindi ko kayang i-give up ang mala-bampira kong buhay.
tsaka na pag may bi-ep na ulet ako -ebil laf-

Make You Mine

2009-05-10T14:43:00.000-07:00

Out of boredom i decided to just a pick a song in my playlist and have it here in my *new* blog as "song for the month" or probably just for a week or so depending on my "katamaran" level.

I havent been able to update my blog(s) as often as i did before and i feel sorry for somewhat abandoning my main blog "candycoatedteardrops". Im about to change the header on that one again. xD

Is the song dedicated to someone? Nope.
But that song kinda reminded of JR,i used to sing that song in my head and think of him...haha but not anymore, i was deeply infatuated to him but then after all this time i now look at him as a "friend" not a potential "partner", he could be my constant companion but nothing intimate.
We're cool as friends and i dont think i would ever want more than that.
But i must admit he made me so ma-keso before, he made me write some stuff that's too romantic for me.
so haha!

Mother's Day Celebration:
As soon as i got home from work, i greeted mama [of course!]. Went to church at 9:15am and hmp! i didnt expect to see Lalayne's ex-bf there, i thought they're attending the earlier mass but anyways i saw his new GF and duh, she' not pretty...not at all. I'd have to say that those make-ups are not only to cover her not so pretty face but also to hide the bad attitudes she got. How dare she?
And then me and my family had sEX [ siningag express], i love the chilled TAHOOOOO. After an hour or so we went to Divisoria/Tutuban Center, looking for curtain. Wooohoo,i bought 2 cool blouses and 6 boylegs [3 of which i gave to my sister]. Im so tired when we got home that i decided to sleep and not go to SM anymore for the groceries. Had a great time sleeping after...
reading a few pages in Paulo Coelho's The Witch of Portobello xD

Yes,me and Lalayne are talking to each other again after like 2 or 3 weeks of "dedmahan". As soon as i saw her exBf coming, i held her hand and that's it...

Sad News:
Our officemate Beverly lost her dad yesterday i think. I dont know the reason yet, Jr just told me she'll be off for a while since she needs to go to Bukidnon for the funeral and everything.
Lord have mercy on his soul...

@ WORK
Back to work tonight and tomorrow night is our DT-in for being off last night due to the holiday. I decided not to leave the team yet, there's a lot of openings at work but then i changed my mind. I guess its true, we were just carried away with all the pressures and issues at work and we all thought that running away from it is the BEST solution.

But then i just realized we are in a battle, we have to fight!

nax!

I havent finish my resume yet, me and Cheese will go to Makati prolly after next payday, we have plans of going to Canada. It has been a looooooooooooong plan for me, my friends [since college] are all inviting me to join them its just that whenever i think of pursuing that something will happen that'll definitely stop me. But right now i cant figure out the "thing" that is stopping me, oh well i guess i'll start doing it after this.

I've been thinking about Mike all day,i saw this bag in Divisoria and its sooooo nice, i swear im gonna buy it, and guess what's the name of the bag ; MICHAELA - haha!

Hayz, i cant believe i talked about 3 guys already here in my *new* blog, the 1st one is Paul who's been a part of my past and is still haunting me, though Paul and i never really had something serious.

Mike, my recent ex...the main reason why lately i've been daydreaming again.

and JR who used to be my crush , haha he's my boss now. I still feel a little awkward talking to him now, i feel like i have to put a little space between us as a sign of respect to him. Though i think there's no need for that, he doesnt wanna be called Boss and he's saying he's still our friend, nothing can change that...haha oh yeah, everything was proven when he had his house warming and we were all drinking and having a great time. boy, that was fun!
I dont see any changes in him too ever since he became our boss,he's still making fun of me [he just did few hours ago] . Well i did expect he'll change a bit since he got authority now, but he didnt and that makes everyone happy.

Yey, go team dalmatian!

HO-HUM

2009-05-08T16:51:00.001-07:00

OMG i think i want him back.
i have no idea if the cold weather got something to do with "me-suddenly-longing-for-Mike"

Last night the moon was so beautiful - well it has always been beautiful for me.
i could've wish from its Divine energy to make him come back to me
yet i hesitated...

if we are meant to be then we're meant to be
no need to make any sorta wishes.

But i really miss him
i wanna feel his warm embrace
his dominating but sweet kisses
i'd like to touch his face and kiss him
wake up beside him

please, give me another chance to love him.

how was it seeing Mike again...?

2009-05-06T13:15:00.000-07:00

We're ok...i was just a little sad after the event last night.

Last monday,i've been sleeping all day,since im on Leave i decided to just sleep, i woke up at around 5 of tuesday morning, went to the dentist at 1PM, then SM with my parents & step bro,watched Haunting in Connecticut and i appreciate it since Mother's day is coming.By 7-8 in the evening im in Jr's condo already with the rest of the team. Decided to go home by 6AM [wednesday], awake for nearly 27 hours, i dont know i lost count already. Haha, i tried to sleep while im in Jr's condo but i couldnt, its not my house, not my bed, not my pillow...so haha.

And to be honest, i know i've said a lot of bad stuff about our break up. I was so mad at him cuz i told myself na they're together [mike & cheri]. Like i said, id rather think that way so i wont have any reason to love him and to hold on to whatever feeling is left.

I've been bitter during those days...but believe me that is just my defense mechanism to move on and not be able to feel the pain.

That "thought" helped me to move on. But i know a tiny portion in my heart is left hoping that Mike will come back to me.

That tiny portion grew bigger and bigger each day since the day they told me that Mike will be there last Tuesday. I started thinking of him again, how am i gonna tell him that i am so sorry for breaking up with him and not letting him explain.

And so last tuesday when he approached me he said hello and i sad hi. We said sorry to each other and i told him everything. He's a bit drunk na since his face is so red so i wouldnt know if he understand every bit of that conversation.
We now know how we're doing with our own lives, how was he after the break up. I told him that my family isnt mad at him since i made them understand that this is just between the 2 of us and no other individual should be mad at him. He noticed my curly hair, i told him i got a new number since i havent paid my bill.He didnt ask for my new number and i didnt offer it too. I told him how he looks skinny now.
We both asked each other if we a have new bf or gf, if someone is courting me when i told him there's none, he reacted in a way telling me he dont believe it. And he said he'll have to fix his life.
We made fun of each other, he pulled my hair and i did the same. He told me that he's suspended from work again, he's supposed to be promoted but something came up, then he said "nakarma yata ako sa ginawa ko sa'yo"

He knows how im feeling, how i felt during those days before i decided to break up w/ him. And he told me his mom was mad at him, reprimanding him for like a week cuz of what happened to us, as well as his sister.
I apologized for that.
and then i told him "di mo ba naisip na i could still be waiting for you?"
"why? Kasi mahal mo pa ako? Eh puro kalokohan ako..." he said.
"those are just some of the things that i loved about you" i replied

We kissed each other - sa cheeks.

i dont remember everything in that conversation at all. But it made me sad and disappointed. And somehow blaming myself for keeping that "tiny portion" alive.

He wanted to take me home when they were leaving, but i said no since it'll be out of their way.

Another sad part is i dont know how long am i gonna hold on again. My friends told me that "i deserve someone better...someone worth it".
Its just that i really dont believe in that, it doesnt matter who the "better" or the "worthier" person is, cuz it is up to me to make that person the "best" one and the most "worthy" of all. It is up to the person who's inlove.
Even if i have my friends to tell me na the right guy is yet to come,i wont be able to stop myself from thinking of him, i wouldnt understand it right now, but i know they would understand what im going thru.
June and Johann wanted to hurt him last night, but i told them there's no need. Im not mad at him, im over it so let's just leave him alone,maybe what he did isnt right at all but he'll learn in his own way.

Jr is right...Mike didnt give me any reason to hold on and to make him the best one...
the REAL man.

I understand Mike and as much as possible i dont want anyone to be mad at him, Thanks again to Francine Rivers and Paulo Coelho their books made me realize a lot of stuff about love...taught me how to forgive. Mike is lost in his own world,most of all he needs understanding.

yes, i am moving on, though i admit it might take a while for me to start again

My facebook says...

2009-05-03T18:48:00.000-07:00

a friend told me that i got a brain tumor & that i need an operation, but i doubt that it'll solve all the mysteries. That tumor can never be removed; that tumor is a MAN who's holding a few pieces of my heart juggling it like its something unbreakable...

and his name is ---- Paul

though i know its not his intention.

the friggin A

2009-05-01T16:54:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, i just thought of him again, though he's a constant visitor in my brain.
At times im elighted by his thoughts and sometimes [like now] i am so irritated. I dont effin understand why i cant stop thinking of him when i know he 's not thinking of me

He could be f*ckin around with lots of girls and Im like wishing that he would really love me, but NVM!

damn it i wont give a f*ck to someone who's...oh, my heart [ its being emo again...hahaha ang corny!]

Why am i like this to him?

hindot na yan, can he just evaporate now...?

His charms is totally irresistable, no wonder lots of girls fall for him.
Many times i told myself that i dont wanna be one of them but whatdaheck
i am so gaga about him...

move on joyce, its been more than a year...and you're being pathetic na!
sabi nga ni ----- ano bang meron sa kanya na hindi mo magawang makalimutan o lumayo , e malamang meron din naman nun ang ibang guy noh...

haha!

WB blogspot

2009-04-29T17:33:00.000-07:00

Haha, i dont know what has got into me that i really wanted to have a new blog and it took a couple of before i finally settle down [ but i dont think im really settled with this].

Im still gonna update my main blog [in rakista.com] i cannot just leave the site, i will never. I have a lot of memories in that community, gained a lot of friends and i just love it. I've tried WP but it made me so lazy to change the layouts,haha but i will keep that open, just in case my mind change again and decided to go back there. And another thing is that i started WP with lots of rants at work and i really dont like it. I tried livejournal few minutes ago and again im so tamad to understand everything about it, i manage to update my profile there but never tried to start an entry.buhaha.

Will i be in trouble for creating so many blog accounts and then letting them go when i feel like it?

There's a lot of challenges in my life now, even waking up at night to go to work is a challenge [ i think i've said this before] but still i am here online, making the latest entry for my new blog. I just updated my main blog last night, hayz my thoughts about the economic crisis, the issues going on at work, oi but dont get me wrong i love my work,everybody needs a little motivation, something else to get us thru this semi-charmed kidna life.

psssh, issues at work might be a jinx so i'll skip that now.

Yes i will change the layout of my blog soon and i still have plans of creating a new header for my main blog.

Anyways im into reading a lot of books now and i would greatly appreciate suggestions. Paulo Coelho is my favorite, so far his books made me inspired about life and love.

Brida was the first book that i bought, and i didnt feel any regret for doing so, in fact it made me look for more explanations about life & love. It made me a student hungry for more lessons, wanting to understand how will you be able to see the light on the shoulder of your soulmate...

I promise myself that i'll read the book again, when i got nothing else to do.

Then a friend of mine lend me this book by Francine Rivers "redeeming love" so that i could better understand what "true love" really really means. A sad realization though, only in books like that you'd be able to understand the "man of your dreams" you can never find a Michael Hosea in this kind of miserable & deceitful world. If i'll live like that of my friend who's hoping & waiting for a Michael Hosea i could be wasting my time and in the end will get disappointed for i have waited for a man that only in books & movies exist. I dont know how to change my friend's way of living, maybe i dont have to...just have to let her learn these stuff on her own.

Then I've read 11 Minutes which is my favorite. You better read it on your own.I tried to figure out those 11 minutes before reading the book and was delighted of what it means. But i prefer not to elaborate on this particular book.

And i just finished The Zahir...which is very deep, at some point there i told myself that i cannot comprehend anymore...but that didnt stop me from finishing it. Yes, it was indeed a novel of obsession and i like it.

how can someone let him/herself be an instrument of love and not its master. Well i dont think i'd be able to explain it in my own words, the writer is soooo good at it that im afraid i'd change his own reason/explanation.hahaha.

Its true not all love stories requires "sex" in it. Its one of the reason why i like his books.

And another thing, after reading those books, i find it easier to let go and forgive the love that i lost. And made me believe that one day the right guy will come in the right time. I found a lot of reason why God made me do such things, why he had allow each one of us to suffer and feel pain. It all happens for a reason, its just a matter of being positive in life.

And just to let you guys in to a little secret. I am somewhat hoping that Mike will consider reconciliation, he's not really a bad guy after all, whatever negative things i've said before about him was just my initial reaction. The time that he wanted was the time that i needed to be mature.
I hope to see him again in May 5, he said he wanted to talk to me. And i've been wanting to see him too, but just like what i normally do...holding my horses really tight cuz i dont wanna expect a lot and be sooooo much disappointed in the end. Oh well, whatever happens i know its gonna be another lesson for me.

This is way too much for my 1st entry :)

listening too:Shawn Colvin
i wanna go to the beach,but its raining...