how was it seeing Mike again...?

We're ok...i was just a little sad after the event last night.

Last monday,i've been sleeping all day,since im on Leave i decided to just sleep, i woke up at around 5 of tuesday morning, went to the dentist at 1PM, then SM with my parents & step bro,watched Haunting in Connecticut and i appreciate it since Mother's day is coming.By 7-8 in the evening im in Jr's condo already with the rest of the team. Decided to go home by 6AM [wednesday], awake for nearly 27 hours, i dont know i lost count already. Haha, i tried to sleep while im in Jr's condo but i couldnt, its not my house, not my bed, not my pillow...so haha.

And to be honest, i know i've said a lot of bad stuff about our break up. I was so mad at him cuz i told myself na they're together [mike & cheri]. Like i said, id rather think that way so i wont have any reason to love him and to hold on to whatever feeling is left.

I've been bitter during those days...but believe me that is just my defense mechanism to move on and not be able to feel the pain.

That "thought" helped me to move on. But i know a tiny portion in my heart is left hoping that Mike will come back to me.

That tiny portion grew bigger and bigger each day since the day they told me that Mike will be there last Tuesday. I started thinking of him again, how am i gonna tell him that i am so sorry for breaking up with him and not letting him explain.

And so last tuesday when he approached me he said hello and i sad hi. We said sorry to each other and i told him everything. He's a bit drunk na since his face is so red so i wouldnt know if he understand every bit of that conversation.
We now know how we're doing with our own lives, how was he after the break up. I told him that my family isnt mad at him since i made them understand that this is just between the 2 of us and no other individual should be mad at him. He noticed my curly hair, i told him i got a new number since i havent paid my bill.He didnt ask for my new number and i didnt offer it too. I told him how he looks skinny now.
We both asked each other if we a have new bf or gf, if someone is courting me when i told him there's none, he reacted in a way telling me he dont believe it. And he said he'll have to fix his life.
We made fun of each other, he pulled my hair and i did the same. He told me that he's suspended from work again, he's supposed to be promoted but something came up, then he said "nakarma yata ako sa ginawa ko sa'yo"

He knows how im feeling, how i felt during those days before i decided to break up w/ him. And he told me his mom was mad at him, reprimanding him for like a week cuz of what happened to us, as well as his sister.
I apologized for that.
and then i told him "di mo ba naisip na i could still be waiting for you?"
"why? Kasi mahal mo pa ako? Eh puro kalokohan ako..." he said.
"those are just some of the things that i loved about you" i replied

We kissed each other - sa cheeks.

i dont remember everything in that conversation at all. But it made me sad and disappointed. And somehow blaming myself for keeping that "tiny portion" alive.

He wanted to take me home when they were leaving, but i said no since it'll be out of their way.

Another sad part is i dont know how long am i gonna hold on again. My friends told me that "i deserve someone better...someone worth it".
Its just that i really dont believe in that, it doesnt matter who the "better" or the "worthier" person is, cuz it is up to me to make that person the "best" one and the most "worthy" of all. It is up to the person who's inlove.
Even if i have my friends to tell me na the right guy is yet to come,i wont be able to stop myself from thinking of him, i wouldnt understand it right now, but i know they would understand what im going thru.
June and Johann wanted to hurt him last night, but i told them there's no need. Im not mad at him, im over it so let's just leave him alone,maybe what he did isnt right at all but he'll learn in his own way.

Jr is right...Mike didnt give me any reason to hold on and to make him the best one...
the REAL man.

I understand Mike and as much as possible i dont want anyone to be mad at him, Thanks again to Francine Rivers and Paulo Coelho their books made me realize a lot of stuff about love...taught me how to forgive. Mike is lost in his own world,most of all he needs understanding.



yes, i am moving on, though i admit it might take a while for me to start again