Black Heart Inertia - Incubus

aaaaaaaaah, i soooo love this band...despite the skinny look Brandon Boyd is still effin HOT!

tsssss.

You're a mountain
that i'd like to climb
Not to conquer
but to share in the view

im gonna buy that Monuments and Melodies as soon as i have moolah!
too bad i missed their concert...oh well,i got work....haha,maybe next time - ugh, i hope there is.

erpat's day...

Well,i really dont have any intention to blog about my father..then i cant help it, so before i do (which i promise myself na it'll be short lang) let me greet all the father's out there.... Happy Father's Day!

We went to divisoria last Saturday (shopping galore), we bought a shirt for him as a gift. But few days before this day....they had a HUGE fight again...coz mama's saying he got a mistress, erpat is denying it (or he could be saying the truth - idk)...and in return Papa is accusing Mama.
Accusing her that she was the one who send that message to the girl ("mistress").

Ang weird kasi eh (SMS)
Mistress : your wife texted me
erpat : what's the message?
Mistress : it doesnt matter, i'll show it to you nalang, if we see each other again...

after a long discussion between me, mama and papu...my father asked her again to forward the message.

"You're Irene from Genpact right? ur my hubby's kabit...umamin na sakin asawa ko"


--- and i was like...Pap, whoever the texter is didnt mention any names...we dont knw if that a-hole is referring to you or mama, she could be talking about someone else...might be a wrong send too, so how come Irene is saying that its mama...its like she admitted na kabit mo siya.
am i right or am i correct? so her message alone made my mama think na they really have this thingy..

after like 2 or 3 days, they're talking to each other again, still cold but then maybe they realized they need to communicate. So we had our lunch sa Max's ,my treat..and all the time my father is nakasimangot. I really didnt like it,but fine! i allowed him to be that way and just enjoy the foods. He is so weird.

ahh f*ck!i dont wanna talk about it anymore, they're old na.

My mama's only wish is that whatever my father is doing to her will not happen to me or my sister, well JP [my sister's bf] is a nice guy naman...and yeah im pretty scared that it'll happen to me.
so help me, Lord

change topic:
well, yeah im still addicted to Farm Town in facebook, just started playing Yoville too, its like SIMS daw.

Black Heart Inertia is the new single of Incubus, haaaaay, Brandon Boyd is still yummy! hihi.

If i heard it right, Mike's got a new gf...its weird coz it made me sad. I was like,thought im over him na...

sisLoraine is right...guess i am better off without him.
its a good thing Mr.Summer is always around, somehow i feel complete...
speaking of which, im talking to him now.hahaha.

somewhat waiting for someone...but i think he's not gonna come.

enihoos, im like on a strict diet.im letting go of toooo much salty foods & oily stuff. Forcing myself to eat veggies and prolly start jogging or working out again. hehe, not eating a lot of rice too. Not because i wanted to loose some weight but because i wanted to live a healthy life. And besides, Mr.Summer is telling me im not fat naman - so haha!

but then after those moments na he's been quiet i kinda felt something different.its hard to explain, but i know its not something about falling inlove with him. err, i'll figure it out sooner or later, im just gonna enjoy his presence

its a girl thing

you know when your trying to move on from someone, you're like telling yourself na you can do this without the guy's help. right?
most especially if you and that guy really doesnt have "something" , you just feel like letting go and moving on not because you feel like he doesnt love you back but because there are so many factors that you consider and its enough to just...let go.

so that's what i've been doing, im trying to ( like ) stay away from Mr.Summer, and been telling myself that i can do it even if we're seeing each other everyday, and doing a lot of things together.

it was all cool, i thought i was doing ok with it and ( like ) telling myself na, im getting there without him noticing that im staying away...and like being aloof to him and all that.

but when he started being quiet
that's when it hits me...

i was like, "this should be fine, it'll help me to move on...it'll be a whole lot easier for me to let go of my feelings for him..."

and the other side of me is like "im missing him, i miss the way things used to be...i miss the way he does this and that...missing everything"

i cant help but be sad about it.
which reminds me of the movie He's Just Not That Into You, can totally relate to it.
Guess girls really have this moments where in they're like blindly optimistic, we're like telling ourselves a lot of positive stuffs, nothing but good thoughts about relationships...when it all boils down to one thing,
he is just not that into you.











im only praying for one thing regarding this whole issue "help me to love him as a friend...as a friend only, if this is what our fate offers us...help me to accept it, but in the case that he feels the same way...help me make things right"

12.13 (a growing tumor)

what the heck is going on?
my 3 days off is almost over and all i ever did (aside from playing games in facebook)
is think about you.
i miss you.
and i dont know if its the kind of "missing someone" because you love them or you just miss them for no apparent reason....you know u just miss them...
im glad that during those moments that im getting bored (waiting for someone in that friggin game to hire me so i could earn more coins) you were there.

wonder what kind of spell you cast upon me to make me feel this way.

huh.i guess i wanted to love you but im scared.
scared of so many things, so as much as i wanted to tell you that...i dont know how.

the distance between us is the number 1 reason, you know i suck at long distance relationship - yep, BIG TIME!
there are times when im thinking of meeting you, but then i thought...i dont wanna put too much effort on seeing the one i like (or love) and not get anything, i guess i told you this before..."what if i see you and then fall inlove with you even more?" - what if you're not brave enough to catch me?
--the case of unrequited love
Having the lamest reason to love someone - i dont want that to happen again. Just to let you know, you taught me how to let go when im not getting what i deserve. Now, looking at the situation you're in...idk if you can cope up with everything. As you have said, you dont even have time for yourself anymore -- but,i dont know...this may sound like im underestimating your capability to love a woman despite the busy life that you have...
But (again) i was just thinking, what if our situation is like that? What if im giving in soooo much and then somewhere along the line...you cant satisfy me...definitely i would let go. I've been there twice.

And then what? if i'd let go...i'll try to forget everything that we shared. Isnt that sad?

Not unless, you give me reasonable WIIFMs (what's-in-it-for-me?) to stay....or probably you can use a very powerful charm so i wont let go. Haha,maybe that'll work.


Second of all, what if you see me and dislikes me. I've seen your ExGfs and i have to say some of them are really pretty, geeeez...i am like sooooo nothing compared to them. I got flaws too, maybe u've seen those in some women or maybe not, i dont know. But what if you wouldnt like me in person? I might as well, stay in this situation where there is the tiniest hope that you like me.

damn, you really are a tumor in my head.
the only problem that i dont wanna try to solve.

trust me i wanted to love you,i know i could.
but..if i could love you without expecting MORE , that'll be much better.
(sounds like a martyr)

and honestly im having a hard time doing that.
just like everyone else, probably just like you.

its hard to give unconditional love...
i guess no matter how much i wanted to do that, it scares me to death.

and here's the thing, i got a lot of blog entries that revealed ALL my feelings for you and you never said anything about it. I may have blog about some other guys, but its sooo much different when i talk about you.I dont know if you can see the difference.

Maybe you are just like me, you're JUST fine knowing that someone out there loves you..but afraid to take a risk. I mean, somewhat it makes you happy that im going gaga over you...but...pretending you dont care or something...i dont know...

hey,what am i saying? I dont even know if you like me,i have no idea if you're thinking of me too.

YES i am talking about you, the only guy i know that's born on the same day as i do (only in a different year). This is all about my feelings for you, i thought it died months ago but you revived it.

What do you suggest me to do?
you want me to forget about it - i will if you'll tell me to do so, but i cant do it right away.
you want me to take care of it like the way i take care of my farm - fine with me too.

Farm Town

got another game in Facebook that im addicted to.
Before, im only addicted to playing Mafia Wars then someone invited me in fashion wars...few days after i joined a friend's clan in Vampire wars, got a dog and turtle too which i dont usually check everyday.

Now, im checking on my Farm like everyday....funny coz its just a friggin game but when i had 3 or 4 wasted grapes field the other day,i felt so saaad. i didnt know that i can harvest it in like 4 hours, i should've come back to it so i could sell it and earn more coins... ahaha.

I've been thinking like where im gonna put the barn, the fences...how many rows for my rice field, tomatoes & potatoes...i got waterlillies from Vhraine (Vhonne & Lorraine), they gave me a pig and dog too...yay! ang cute nung baboy.

Hmm.
im off for 3 days,but then it'll be a busy off again...as in sleeping, plurking, blogging and yeah playing games in facebook...and i must see the last 2 episodes of Gossip Girl.buhaha.
Dont have moolah anymore to go out and pig-out.
And bad news, the Casa Medica in SM southmall got a patient positive for Swine Flu, geeeez! scary, cant go to SM anymore, they're quarantined daw eh. Good thing there's still Town Center and Ruins.haha.

I got good & sad news though.
Was able to talk to sis Dredd again, i miss her...she's really one of the sweetest friend in the whole wide world :)
Havent talk to her for like weeks, ayun nga lang sad news. But i know she's a strong woman, sisiw lang daw un sabi niya.Haha.

Kahit na maulan ngaun, Mr.Summer is still friggin hot. LOL.
ok, time to go back to my farm now.

xOxO


And i've been bloghopping for quite some time now, i noticed a lot of blogs talking about the famous scandal of Hayden Kho, i decided not to make any comment about it before, coz its already the talk of the town...we talk about it at work, here at home...there's this incident one time i was walking somewhere i dont remember na where, but its a public place, there's this group of people talking about the scandal, making comments about it, i got sick of hearing so much about it, i saw the 3 videos...and just like everybody else, though the girls pretty much enjoyed doing it, i feel sorry for them. Both of them seemed to be so inlove with this guy...those intimate moments should always be kept PRIVATE!
and to the girl(s) who said negative stuff about the 2 girls you might wanna think again. Imagine yourself in their shoes, they might be at fault too but its really not necessary to make so much negative comments about it.



Here comes the rainy season, i am so loving the cold weather...

have a question

do you love me?

According to the stars Cancers and Sagittarians are better off as friends...they dont do well as lovers -- i should keep this in my head all the time.
sagittarius + sagittarius is a good match daw [naniwala naman daw ako]



i miss him.

Breathe (lyrics)

I see your face in my mind as I drive away
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me, oh

I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

sober

omg it really feels like my brain isexploding...well para naman hindi masama ang pagsabog, let me release some tension. At isa pa my horoscope for today, ayan sumakto na naman.

Last night at the party,while watching everybody else enjoying their bottles of san mig light and red horse , im thinking of the things i wanna blog about, I was thinking of creating a category or making up different type of party goers, prolly someone did that already [i wouldnt know].My brain is kinda bored [though my physical body is really really tired], i wasnt drinking during the 1st 2 or 3 hours maybe, if i remember it right it was past 10 PM when i had my 1st bottle of san mig light [ang corny, yeah i know]. I was hanging out with a new group Rica, her friend Kat, Warli [which is really my team mate] ,Jut, Kuya Ghen,Melvin, DK and later on with Boss Greg and Boss Gines.Haha they did something funny - and yeah it was great hanging out with them...somehow i feel like i went out of my coffin and enjoying new breed of vampires.LOL. pasensya na, talagang may amats pa ako, got icebag in my head...while blogging.

Nakakatuwa naman makita yung mga taong yun pag lasing. Haha!

I wasnt able to finish my 2nd bottle though,when i went to the rest room, randam ko na ang tama ng alak, i thought we're leaving na din, since Chicheese and the other guys are talking na. So we left Manong's after 2 hrs pa ata.
Went to Cheese's crib with people i never thought will join us, if June was having a bad night coz of hahaha NVM, so was i...but i was able to manage naman, i cooled down after drinking what seems like a bottomless iced tea for me, but it was really a mixed of grand matador and something else i guess. Kuya Mark knows how to mix alcoholic drinks, it was nice. All good men!

Tapos may shisha pa, ok i really dont know how to spell that friggin thingy, but if u guys are familiar with it, you are free to correct me..i guess its so much better than smoking cigars, well i never tried smoking cigarettes naman.

Geeeez, i dont think i'd be able to blurt out the things that i didnt like that night, I guess my horoscope for the day can give u guys a hint, so here it is.

You appear to be having fun today, but a bad feeling is gnawing at you from the inside. You are worried about something that's been on your mind and yet you are so cool that no one even notices that you are hurting. Although you may feel pretty clever about fooling others so easily, you are also disappointed in them because they cannot see past your charade. Forget about blaming anyone; just try to get beyond your resistance so you can be more vulnerable with those you trust.

Buti nalang talaga yung isang crush ko sumunod, YAY! napansin din niya ako(ulet). But the thing or should i say the guy that's been bothering me [as always] ayun...masaya siya, haha.
Oh well, boys will always be boys.

Something 'bout the way you looked at me
Made me think for a moment,
That maybe we were meant to be
Living our lives seperately
And it's strange that things change
But not me wanting you so desperately
Oh why can't I ignore it?
I keep giving it in but I should know better
'Cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me
And it's strange that things change
But not me wanting you so desperately
You looked my way and said "you frustrate me"
Like you're thinking of lines and times
When you and I were you and me
We took our chance out on the street
Then I missed my chance
And chances are it won't be coming back to me

- desperately ; Michelle Branch

I see your face in my mind as I drive away
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
- Breath Taylot Swift w/ Colbie Caillat

And about the previous entry...well i wasnt really that mad mad, u know what i mean? I just didnt like the stuff they talked about, sana kasi nagtatanong muna yung isa (si yakir). And i didnt mean the miserable thing as something serious and bad, i have forgiven Vincent naman, after all hindi lang naman siya ang nagkamali,I didnt say naman (ata) na siya ang may gusto ng balikan, it was Yakir who wanted reconciliation...pero wag na talaga, cant even say if i can be friends with him. Ayoko lang talaga kapag feeling ko pinapamukha sa akin kung paano ako naging tanga or paano ako nagkamali, alam ko naman pag nagkakamali ako, no need na ulit-uliting i-IN YOUR FACE sa akin.

Let's all move on nalang.

Ayos lang aminado ako, maldita't salbahe talaga ako.

Tantanan Na...

Nabadtrip lang talaga ako pagkagising ko kahapon, i got 3 messages.
1 message from Vincent - sinong damuho naman ang nagbigay ng number ko sa kanya???
2 chika messages from yakir/alvin/master_rocker

I knew it, Yakir gave my no. to him.
So i went online and check my YM messages and boom! ayun na tuluyang nasira ang hapon ko. I dont want to hear anything about Vincent, i havent spoken to him ever since we broke up. Im not being bitter or rude, well kinda rude nga siguro but i'd rather stay this way to him. MOVE ON!

As much as possible ayoko ng i-elaborate yung mga bagay na magpapasama lang talaga ng loob ko.
Oo masaya na ako sa buhay ko ngaun kahit walang BF, at oo kung ipagpipilitan nila na magkaayos kami talagang makakagulo lang siya. Sabihin na ninyong ang sama ng ugali ko pero eto na yung totoo. Walang balikan na mangyayare. WALA TALAGA!

And kabayang Yakir, tsk akala ko pa naman madami ka ng alam tungkol sa akin, pero mali talaga yung mga sinabi mo Kay Vincent, foul talaga dude! Nung mga panahon na nagkakalabuan kami ni Vicente alam mong ibang tao na ang mahal ko nun, kaya nga OK na sa akin ung hiwalayan eh.
Si Vincent naman ang nagsabi na hiwalay na eh, nampucha ilang beses ba siyang nakipagbreak sakin? Ang laki ko lang tanga nun dahil ilang beses ko siyang iniyakan at nagpumilit na makipagbalikan. Isa't kalahating taon akong nagpakatanga sa kanya. And honestly nagsisisi ako sa lahat ng ginawa ko for him, he is soooooo not worthy of my time, emotions and tears.

If ever i could go back into my life that is the part na hindi ko uulitin.
And ever since na naghiwalay kami at nagkakamustahan tayo, binanggit ko ba na may balak akong makipagbalikan sa kanya? As far as i can remember hindi ko na siya naikekwento, dahil ibang tao ang hinahanap ko. tsk! Kabayan alam mo kung sino yun at dapat hanggang ngayon alam mo na may nararamdaman pa din ako kay Paul at wala kay Vincent.

Mali talaga yung mga sinabi mo kay vicente na tinitreasure ko siya, na nakatatak pa din siya sa puso ko, na pinahahalagahan ko lahat ng pinagsamahan namin. Dahil hindi talaga. Wala na akong pakialam kung sabihin ninyong lahat na ang sama ng ugali ko, pero nampucha ung isa't kalahating taon na yun dun ko narealize kung gaano kahalaga ang BUHAY ko at masasayang lang kung patuloy akong magpapakatanga sa kanya. I DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER!

At kelangan ba talagang pagusapan ang jerjer? Putangina yun talaga ang foul eh.
Just to tell u the truth, that's the part i regret the most. I wish it never happened and i wish i waited for the other guy...Pero wala na akong magagawa tapos na, nangyare na lahat...LESSON LEARNED!!!
At may nasesense ka pa na gusto ko pa din siya, where the hell did u get that idea???

Pasensya na kabayang Yakir...i dont think i could ever talk to you again.

At kung sakaling mababasa mo to Vincent, sabihin mo na lahat ng gusto mong sabihin, natanggap ko naman lahat ng mga foul words na sinabi mo sa akin noon, ano pang foul words ang di ko magagawang matanggap mula sa'yo? At isa pa, ikaw naman tong may hilig makipagbreak diba? so panindigan mo na, masaya na ako...tantanan na ako pwede? At kung totoong may pagmamahal ka pa matuto ka nalang din magparaya, huh?

Tama na ang drama!
And Yakir hindi ka nga nangangaelam eh noh, pero gusto mong makipagbalikan ako sa kanya??? Huh!!! no way! Kabayan, alam mo kung gaano naging miserable buhay ko noon, pano mo nasabing naging sobrang saya ko noon eh almost every week umiiyak ako dahil nag-away kami ni Vincent... ikaw ang palagi kong kausap noon,lalo na pag gusto kong makibalita kay Paul.tsk.

Nampucha talaga! Mga leche! Tantanan na!

Eto galing kay Kuya Johnerr: mensahe para sa ex ko "ang pag-ibig ko sa'yo ay parang Lady's Choice Sandwich Spread...isipin mo nalang meron pa" .

Leche sabihin na ninyong ang sama ng ugali ko sa lahat ng sinabi ko ngaun pero eto lang masasabi ko, wala kayong alam sa lahat ng nangyare...

im glad i stayed

and so did my 2 friends...it was just a weird misunderstanding and it feels like i made things complicated, i apologized to JR prolly a-gazillion times, well he says its not really my fault..i was just giving him the messages that i thought is important...so haha! nuff nuff of the work stuff. i dont want more complicated stuff when everything else is complicated i wanna save ME naman. geez, spare me.haha

i just realized if JR didnt say those stuff, and then i decided to just transfer, i wouldnt have this happy nights with them anymore, i wouldnt be able to hang-out with the "real funny" people.

I just got home from ruins & n-los [prolly an hour ago na and its 12:45 am]. We exchanged thoughts & rants at work, i was like nodding all the time...and my usual comments "i know, its like .... '' or "exactly" [which is actually June's pauso] , haha cuz once they talk about the blah blahs i just have to agree with it, cuz i dont fully understand those stuff [its a different level conversation]. Well not that i dont really understand everything about it, its just that i dont do any of those stuff...im just a typical agent and JR and Cheese are my Bosses / Friends [ cuz they dont want me to call them Boss ] ... and i have no intention of understanding everything about it cuz i dont have plans of being like them. like i said, i dont want more complications...i'll just support them :)

They have my support 101%

So what did we do?
Well me and Chicheese ate in ruins and then we played in Timezone again [YAY!], Medyo sumakit braso ko sa baskteball, and of course my favorite - Car Racing! And then we tried the Zombie thing, darn i forgot what's it called. And then there's this very very cute boy who's watching us, so i gave him the gun and he started shooting the ugly zombies, boy he's not scared of those stuff??? that's uberly cool!!!

And then when time's up, not enough points in my card i told him its over, and he kept on looking at me and the card on my hand...aaawww he's soooo cute! So i told him, "let's go!", JR saw the kid too...telling me its a sign, sign for me to have my own kid...naaaah, not now. Im still enjoying my singleness.

But if Jr wasnt there when that cute boy came, i wouldve reloaded my card so he could play more. Haha, i think he's only 3 yrs old or 4...
And then we went back to ruins, bought 3 movies [uninvited, wrong turn 3 and He's just not that into you] , and then the group decided to look for a place where we can drink and just talk. For like 15 minutes we're driving along BF looking for a nice place, bumagsak kami sa n-los. I love the mojos and cheese but it didnt go well with the drink that they got [ if i remember it right, its called 69 , tastes like apple ] . After eating a lot of mojos and drinking 3 shots of that drink + iced tea, my tummy started acting weird. But not weird enough for me to create a scene.Hahaha. We were there for an hour or so, nung naubos na yung inumin we went home na. Its like a road trip pa, ewan ko ba kung anu nasa isip nun ni JR idinerecho nya yung pagdadrive hanggang sa amin, i told him its malayo na...he could just drop me in BF Pilar with Cheese coz i can take the jeep naman, eh wala...hinatid nalang nila ako, and then he and warli will drive back to BF P'QUE pa.Hahaha.

It feels great hanging out with this cool people. Its a good thing talaga i stayed.

I made a quiz in facebook, nauso na kasi ang How Well Do You Know Me na quiz eh, and guess what?!?
Jr got the highest score with 1 mistake lang, of course he doesnt know what im wearing when im sleeping..haha! Siya na ang nakakakilala sa akin ng todo, my other friends told me its hard daw, well i thought all along its easy... And now he's making his quiz.

Im kinda sleepy but i dont feel like going to bed pa.
How true it is that sir Ridz is leaving RAKISTA.COM? OMG, what's gonna happen sa site, and this blog, omg this is like my brain na din, it has a lot of memories, i dont think i'd be able to transfer everything in blogger.com. Ang sad naman, sana tuloy lang tong blog na to.

I still love this site.
Enihoo im gonna check out the DVDs i bought.

xOxO

PLUG-IN:
Daddy Johnny Bravo's [ John Dayao ] movie "LITSONERO" with Paolo Contis is showing on May 28, 2009 , check out the trailer in youtube, its interesting. Hope you'll support this movie. Thanks!

wala akong tinatago, talagang hindi mo lang alam.PIZ!