12.13 (a growing tumor)

what the heck is going on?
my 3 days off is almost over and all i ever did (aside from playing games in facebook)
is think about you.
i miss you.
and i dont know if its the kind of "missing someone" because you love them or you just miss them for no apparent reason....you know u just miss them...
im glad that during those moments that im getting bored (waiting for someone in that friggin game to hire me so i could earn more coins) you were there.

wonder what kind of spell you cast upon me to make me feel this way.

huh.i guess i wanted to love you but im scared.
scared of so many things, so as much as i wanted to tell you that...i dont know how.

the distance between us is the number 1 reason, you know i suck at long distance relationship - yep, BIG TIME!
there are times when im thinking of meeting you, but then i thought...i dont wanna put too much effort on seeing the one i like (or love) and not get anything, i guess i told you this before..."what if i see you and then fall inlove with you even more?" - what if you're not brave enough to catch me?
--the case of unrequited love
Having the lamest reason to love someone - i dont want that to happen again. Just to let you know, you taught me how to let go when im not getting what i deserve. Now, looking at the situation you're in...idk if you can cope up with everything. As you have said, you dont even have time for yourself anymore -- but,i dont know...this may sound like im underestimating your capability to love a woman despite the busy life that you have...
But (again) i was just thinking, what if our situation is like that? What if im giving in soooo much and then somewhere along the line...you cant satisfy me...definitely i would let go. I've been there twice.

And then what? if i'd let go...i'll try to forget everything that we shared. Isnt that sad?

Not unless, you give me reasonable WIIFMs (what's-in-it-for-me?) to stay....or probably you can use a very powerful charm so i wont let go. Haha,maybe that'll work.


Second of all, what if you see me and dislikes me. I've seen your ExGfs and i have to say some of them are really pretty, geeeez...i am like sooooo nothing compared to them. I got flaws too, maybe u've seen those in some women or maybe not, i dont know. But what if you wouldnt like me in person? I might as well, stay in this situation where there is the tiniest hope that you like me.

damn, you really are a tumor in my head.
the only problem that i dont wanna try to solve.

trust me i wanted to love you,i know i could.
but..if i could love you without expecting MORE , that'll be much better.
(sounds like a martyr)

and honestly im having a hard time doing that.
just like everyone else, probably just like you.

its hard to give unconditional love...
i guess no matter how much i wanted to do that, it scares me to death.

and here's the thing, i got a lot of blog entries that revealed ALL my feelings for you and you never said anything about it. I may have blog about some other guys, but its sooo much different when i talk about you.I dont know if you can see the difference.

Maybe you are just like me, you're JUST fine knowing that someone out there loves you..but afraid to take a risk. I mean, somewhat it makes you happy that im going gaga over you...but...pretending you dont care or something...i dont know...

hey,what am i saying? I dont even know if you like me,i have no idea if you're thinking of me too.

YES i am talking about you, the only guy i know that's born on the same day as i do (only in a different year). This is all about my feelings for you, i thought it died months ago but you revived it.

What do you suggest me to do?
you want me to forget about it - i will if you'll tell me to do so, but i cant do it right away.
you want me to take care of it like the way i take care of my farm - fine with me too.